I Love My Uncool Slippers

I am a man of leisure. As one of those, I take great pride in having comfortable footwear. And nothing is more comfortable than my pair of slippers that I constantly wear around the house (See Figure 1.1). Outside of the shower, it’s been a long time since my bare feet have walked across any surface of the house. I purchased these slippers off a clearance rack at Target for about 3.99 about a year and a half ago, and it’s still one of the best deals I ever spent four dollars on. But I am aware of how ‘uncool’ I look in my slippers and socks. My feet look like they belong to a wimpy dad who carries a fanny pack full of things his wife doesn’t have room for in her purse. But I like looking ridiculous when I’m confined behind the drywall of my house. I like that I don’t have to worry about how I look. I'll admit that sometimes if I know I’m not leaving the house that day, I won’t bother changing my clothes. Some may say that’s disgusting, but they only say it because they’re guilty of doing the same thing and are too embarrassed to admit it.

Of course, there are rules to spending more than one day in the same clothes. First at the top of this very important, and hygienic list, is to always smell test. When you roll out of bed, and feel like scrubbing out, just take your index and thumb, and pinch the shirt you’re wearing right in the middle of the chest, and pull it up to your nose. Inhale. Eye’s watering?? Then I’m afraid you need to change, because you smell bad. You can only get away with staying in the same clothes if they don’t smell like they’ve been worn the previous day.

Location is also very important, where did you go in those clothes the previous day? Say for instance you spent yesterday working hard down at the Seaport loading mackerel into 50 gallon drums, you probably can’t wear that shirt a second day. But let’s say you just sat around and watched TV all day, maybe went to the grocery store for a quick second, then maybe you can get away with it.

Important: Never go to the same places or see the same people you saw yesterday. You will feel paranoid that they will realize you haven’t changed, and you’re paranoia is completely justified. They will notice, and they will be judging you, if only in their head, but still nonetheless judging you.

Also, it can never stretch more than one day. If you stay in the same clothes you slept in for the day, then you’re just ‘scrubbing out’ for the day, and everyone does that. If you go to bed that night in those clothes, wake up, and make another day of it, then you’re just being a scrub, and people don’t like that.