I enjoy libraries. They are the final public haven for reading. A library is a place where you are ensured to have a place other than your house where you can have complete quiet. Or so that was the theory. I finished my Business Law exam about an hour and a half earlier than expected, so I had some time to burn. I shimmied over to the library, and sat back and tried to read a book. And then there was a guy. Of course he had to sit right next to me. Obnoxious, 40, bald, heavy breather. No book, seemingly no business being in a library, talking on a cell phone.
I’m not sure what this guy does for a living, but I’m going to guess he’s in advertising because he said the word advertising almost four hundred times in one phone call. Again we are in a library. He’s talking on his phone real loud, barking out all kinds of disgusting corporate speak that I loathe. Words like ‘Book that under Jeffrey’s accounts’ or ‘Netting 6 cents a toss on these’. And he is speaking so vocally, that you know that he is not so much speaking to the person on the other end of the phone, but to all of us in library, as if to say “Hey, look how cool I am! I’m in advertising” Did I mention he kept repeating the word advertising?
Also, he used the word Michigan a lot, in a very similar way. He was listing off different “clients” he had and where they were located. Of course they were all located in Michigan, but he still had to say the word Michigan. Example “Yeah, I know a guy in pizzas in Highland Park, Michigan. Did you talk to Tracy? The one with the printing shop in Farmington Hills, Michigan?” And I’m sitting next to him trying to read.
Then he hangs up the phone, and I think to myself that it’s finally over. Nope. Then he starts doing cold calls trying to sell advertising space on pizza boxes. If you could just hear the tone of his voice, this guy was a real dick. No hi, hello, nothing warm or human like. Here’s his sales pitch almost verbatim “Whose in charge of advertising? I got space on pizza boxes that you could really use to get your message out. Interested?” They of course say no, and hangs up. This is driving me insane. I normally don’t start arguments or fights with people, but this tool was begging for it. I simply dog earred the book, set it down and turned to the man, 40, bald, obnoxious, breathing heavily.
“Try being a little more sincere.” I said to him. He wrinkles his brow.
“Excuse me?” He’s offended.
“You need to be more sincere on the phone if you’re going to land sales.” I tell him.
“Really?” He asks in a very condescending tone.
"Maybe people would like to hear a hi or hello every once in awhile. You know, treat them like human beings."
"I cut to the chase." He informs me.
“People don't like people who 'cut to the chase'" I replied.
“Well, I’ve always been number one.” He said. Number one? Really? Then I get up to leave, and I turn around and give my parting statement.
“Well, you’re sitting in a community college library. Something brought you here.” And his face froze. And then I left, hoping I just ruined at least part of his day. Being a business major, I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. They love black pinstriped suits with blue ties, they love FOX Business, and they absolutely love flaunting what a “businessman” they are. They look like idiots.
